A New Journey

By Karen A Snair

As many people are aware, I grew up United, was part of the Pentecostal church for about eight years until I became Catholic last March. My Christian journey has been blessed by the many different groups I have had the honour of joining as well as the various important people who have touched my life deeply.They include my friends inside Concordia’s Multi-Faith Chaplaincy, McGill Newman Centre, Challenge, Duc in Altum, Singles for Christ, St Wilibrord’s parish as well as countless other friends inside my Pentecostal circles and beyond who encouraged me during my various stages of my faith journey. Thankyou all for your support.

My contact with the Catholic Church began at Concordia’s Multi-Faith Chaplaincy back in 2003. I met a nun who had a huge impact on my life because she taught me that God loved me and that the Catholic Church was a safe and holy place. She saw me struggle inside the Pentecostal. (I had joined it about a year before I met her.) Two months before she died, she told me: “You aren’t like rest of Pentecostals I know. I don’t see you being like them, have you thought of trying the Catholic Church?” I disregarded that statement. Her death two months later ended my affiliation with the Catholic Church. When she died (in 2007), I didn’t have the spiritual maturity to realize that her teaching about the Catholic Church would be fundamental to the journey God had planned.

Two years later, I was going through a tough time, I still belonged to the Pentecostal Church and I was very close to telling God to shove off until a randomemail came my way advertising a mission’s trip (Alternative Spring Break) with the Newman Centre. It was a place until that point I didn’t know existed but I felt like God was calling me to attend. God used that mission’s trip to do two things: 1) begin the healing process from events from my past. 2) Started a new journey called “Exploring The Catholic Church.” Within a year, I joined and made friends with countless people from the Newman Centre, Challenge, Duc in Altum, Singles for Christ, just to name a few. Thirteen months later, thanks to their support, I decided to become Catholic.

Thanks to that mission’s trip, I got connected with another amazing special nun who built upon the foundation I had gotten at Concordia and took it to a much deeper level. She answered my questions, helped me to sort out what I believed, as slowly the Catholic teachings began to make sense. She helped me to understand the theology behind the truth I had found. She challenged me and gave me a strong foundation to the Catholic Church. Under her guidance, I began to slowly enjoy prayer as well as heal from difficult events from my past. My Catholic journey as well as who I am today wouldn’t be the same without her love and guidance.

I became Catholic because I found out that I was the most spiritually free inside the Catholic Church. I enjoyed the United but something was always missing. As a Pentecostal, I attended some amazing worship services, made friends with some wonderful people, and had some of the best ministers from the denomination as my pastors and spiritual guides. To be part of the Pentecostal church meant it was important to be saved, talk in tongues, be filled with the Holy Spirit, read my Bible daily plus another long list of social pressures. It’s ironic that whenever I needed some silent prayer, I would find a Catholic Church to pray in. As much as I enjoyed both the United and Pentecostal Churches, I always felt like there was something missing. For example growing up inside the United Church, we followed the liturgical calendar. Lent and Advent were always celebrated with the lighting and extinguishing of the candles. They weren’t celebrated on the same level as the Catholic Church for example, during Lent and Advent, candles were extinguished and lit and the minister always spoke about it inside her sermons but that was it. When I left the United and joined the Pentecostal, I felt like that piece was missing because aside for Christmas, Easter, Pentecost and maybe Palm Sunday, the liturgical calendar wasn’t celebrated. When I began my exploration, I got it back but only on a much deeper level. For example, I was surprised to hear that Catholics actually fasted, and gave things up for Lent. I learned about the theology surrounding the liturgical calendar because until that point, I didn’t understand it. It was just a church practice that was done.

During the years when I was attending the Pentecostal and United church regularly, I was unaware that I was extremely angry with God due to events from my childhood. As wonderful talking in tongues, reading the Bible, praying everyday is, my anger was so deep that it created a barrier between my God and I. In my heart, I loved God but I was also an extremely ticked off at Him. This anger only began to lessen as I explored.

When I began my exploration, the social pressures didn’t exist. Reading the Bible, praying everyday was encouraged but it wasn’t pushed down my throat. I was accepted regardless if I was Catholic or not. I was encouraged to ask questions and I was given in depth answers. My concerns and woundedness were a given a place to rest. Eventually the doors towards healing were also opened. I found out that it didn’t matter if I could talk in tongues. It was a charismatic gift that some people were given. Scripture was placed inside the mass like a vegetable soup, which meant it wasn’t pushed down my throat. I began to enjoy hearing it instead of rolling my eyes to it. The focus was more on growing closer to God. I was their sister in Christ and I knew that I didn’t have to become Catholic to join them. This was a gift because I was given the space I needed to explore my faith and sort out what I believed. As I explored, I was faced with Catholic doctrine some that made perfect sense, other aspects that didn’t. It forced me to make some active decisions regarding what I believed.

After about a year of discernment and spiritual direction, to my utter surprise, it became quite clear that the Catholic teachings made more sense to me. I was really surprised by it because according to my Protestant teaching and upbringing, I wasn’t supposed to be finding truth inside the Catholic Church. I spent the following year discerning even more deeply and gathering up the courage to act upon my decision. St Willibord’s Parish helped because it gave me another spiritual home where I further explored and got challenged.

I found it difficult because I knew if I acted upon my decision, I couldn’t celebrate communion with my parents and other friends from my two denominations. I also knew whenever I found Mr. Right (not that I know him presently) I couldn’t get married inside the United Church with the minister I had grown up nor at the church I was attending at the time. This bothered me a lot because I had been part of both for so long. I also had to let seminary go because inside my new denomination, women weren’t allowed to become ministers. Furthermore, there were some things about the Catholic Church that felt weird such as the use of the rosary and theology surrounding relicts that I was uncertain if I could accept. Coming from a United and being part of the Pentecostal (by that point eight years), I felt like I was betraying my Protestant upbringing. Becoming Catholic was the unspoken thing. I knew all sorts of former Catholics but the reverse was never spoken about. I wrestled with the latter aspect until a few minutes before my confirmation on March 6th, 2011.

This date has a unique significance because it has many connections to the first nun who introduced me to the Catholic Church. I became Catholic two years to the day I did my Challenge weekend, two years plus a week when I went on the mission’s trip with the Newman Centre, one year minus a week when I decided to become Catholic which just happened to be the same date that Concordia had the memorial service for the first nun. It was also four years plus a week when the same nun died. She just happened to die on the same day I returned from the mission’s trip only two years before. To clarify she died in Feb 2007, I went on the mission’s trip in 2009, decided to become Catholic in March 2010 and in March 2011 I joined the church.) Coincidentally, the second nun who I mentioned, her birthday just happens to be on the day that my grandmother, another important person in my life died. My grandmother’s volunteer work inspired me to enter the helping field.

As I said yes to become Catholic, God opened doors that I never thought was possible. For an instance, it became clear that instead of seminary, I was being called to do a Masters of Theological Studies at Concordia University, which would enable me to become a hospital chaplain. (I just began that in September). He has opened my eyes to the events from the past and has provided me with some amazing people who have and continue to help me work through it. There has been a lot of healing that is really just beginning.

To summarize, I became Catholic because I agreed more with the Catholic teaching than the Pentecostal and United. I was spiritually free and I realized I could practice my faith more freely and more personally than I could inside the other denominations, I had attended previously. I haven’t cut my ties with the Pentecostal or United Church. I try to attend both whenever I can. I have friends there who I miss dearly and who I rarely get to see because I have changed denominations. I’ve benefited from my protestant background as well as the new denomination I now call home. I believe both sides have a lot to teach and learn from each other.

Slowly God is opening doors to things that I never thought was possible. My former spiritual director’s statement: “Have you thought of trying the Catholic Church” repeats itself like a broken record because the answer is yes and I am enjoying the gift she suggested so long ago. I am still extremely stunned that she was right but I am also happy and at peace with my decision. The struggles haven’t ended but that is ok because I’m at a point in my life where I know no matter what happens, I have a God that loves me. He has everything under control. Somehow inside this spiritual freedom I have, I know things will work out alright.