I write you this letter solo, as my newsletter partner in Christ has taken on a new challenge with NET ministries. On behalf of myself and Challenge, I would like to wish Sean all the best in his new journey and simply say that I thoroughly enjoyed the short time we had together to work as Challenge newsletter co-editors.
As the summer fades away and I sit on my balcony half reading and trying my best to enjoy what feels like the last of the hot weather before fall, I can’t help but feel as though a chapter has come to end and the start of something new is in its beginning stages.
September has always marked for me, the end of summer, the end of the rugby season, the half way point of the CFL season and the time where most people revamp their daily schedules. The laid back feeling of the summer months must now be replaced with a stricter schedule giving way to what feels like less “free time”. A more disciplined routine is required of us as many of us return to school or work and although I feel that not much change is required of my own personal schedule this year, I can’t help but feel the effects of this time change as well.
Sitting here on my balcony, I realize that the next big batch of reports I will be writing up at work are for the 3rd quarter of 2010 and it dawned on me that that meant that ¾ of 2010 will be done, leaving 3 months until the end of December and the end of the year. I tried to look back at all I had accomplished over the last months and wondered if God would at all be pleased with my progress or lack thereof.
2010 has brought forth many great moments in my life; I am now going on 5 months of being Catholic and cannot recall a time where I felt so proud or happy to assume such a title, my involvement with Challenge is still on the rise along with my Hope, Faith, and Trust in God, my spiritual journey is supported by many loving friends as well as a more prayerful lifestyle and through my newly forged Christian friendships, I find myself talking about God, the life of Christ and His parables more and more often. But in the midst of these spiritual highs, I find myself struggling to grow in virtue and struggling to let go of the life I once knew. A life I once thought would lead me to happiness and although I know that that road leads only to a dead end, a counterfeit of true happiness, I continue to at times feel trapped in my own failures, desperately trying to become someone better. A close friend of mine reminded me of the following:
struggle = growth
and although I know this equation speaks truth I can’t help but feel as though I am at times moving backwards in my quest for the Kingdom of Heaven. I thought to myself however, that if I were in the wrong direction, would it not be logical and quicker to turn around and find my way back towards the right path rather than trying to push my way forward in the wrong direction, hoping that the detour will somehow lead me to where God wants me to go? Although I don’t doubt His ability to do so, I’m always grateful when I choose to stop myself from going any further in the wrong direction and make my way to Confession. The parable of the return of the prodigal son has been one to touch my heart in the most profound of ways and whenever I meditate upon it, I fall more and more in love with the Catholic Faith.
I suddenly notice the decrease in sunlight, which forces me realize that the sun is setting, night is coming and a new day is in the making, regardless of whether I want it to happen or not. Tomorrow will become today and today yesterday. I sigh knowing full well that God doesn’t work on my time; I must learn to work in partnership with His, that He is constantly calling out my name, patiently awaiting my “yes” to return and follow Him, that He is praying I will continue to leave that life I once knew behind and seek Him in the midst of the jungle of a world I feel I live in. The anxiety I feel over the change in season, the change in pace and the uncertainty of what my future holds begins to lessen. A calm and safe feeling, the feeling I imagine the prodigal son feels once he finds his way back into the loving arms of his father, begins to find me in that moment. As I leave my balcony, I fold my chair and bring it back into my apartment along with a reassured feeling in the unknowns of tomorrow and remembering the words of wisdom of my loving God-Mother who once reminded me that as the future turns into the present, that future is God’s present, God’s gift, to me. And like any gift, it is meant to be treasured and enjoyed.
Although this article describes but one day of my new journey as a Catholic, I can say with complete honesty that I am grateful for both the struggles I have been faced with as well as the many graces I have been blessed with thus far in my pursuit towards becoming a perfect Christian. As the summer season come to an end and my future involvement with the Newsletter remains unknown to me until after the upcoming Challenge weekend, I would invite and encourage you all to write in (newsletter@montrealchallenge.ca) and share your 2010 summer journeys, pictures, favorite moments or short stories with other Challengers through the Newsletter. Even if it ends up being one line beginning with “My favorite thing about summer 2010 was…” I still aspire and believe that the Newsletter can be both a creative and inspirational way to encourage others to persevere in the Faith.
God bless,
Liz V.
